A cup of the little voice inside me

I don't really understand the saying "wearing your heart on your sleeve"

Maybe it's because I've never did wear it on my sleeve...

I'm quite scared to do so.

It's a bad bad world out there. I have troubles even trying to trust people on a daily basis.

You're asking me to show my weak side. No one sees that except a few.

Even then, I try to hide my hurts. At this point no one or nothing can try to see my heart.

It's not there. seriously. the other day I tried to feel something yet nothing. I tried to smile yet I just cried.

I want to do so to meet my special other but I think i'm at a point where I'm not fixable.

Yet there's that little voice inside me that keeps telling me I can...

A whole new level of pain.

So this past weekend I was honored to be reminded of my insecurities. 

Guys, just a word of advice right here but regardless of your conscious state of mind I advise you not to tell girls that they are a fucking fat pig and lion. 

I don't know how to deal with this other than not dealing with it. But I've learned from past mistakes that, that very thing of ignoring will possibly kill me.

So here it is.

That moment when you full forcefully pushed a pillow in my face after insulting me, re-plays in my head about 1000 times an hour. How I could have done more or said more than just saying "ARE YOU FUCKING ME?".  And right after looking at my friends for support and yet they all look away. Maybe I expect too much out of my friends. Maybe I expect too much out of guys. It all comes down to it being on me. This is all my fault. 
Maybe I shouldn't have even tried to figure this shit out. No. Let's work this out.
After 10 mins past I confront my friend whom was a guy and technically a host in this event. He tells me "Its not a big deal.. They're just drunk". Right. My self worth is not a big deal. Cool! We were friends since grade 4. Friends throughout high school. Friends throughout college. Now you're here to tell me that this fraternity that you've joined 2 months ago is gonna replace the 10+ years of friendship we had? fan-fucking-tastic. 

Then you ask me to do a favor.. So I accept. It was to go to one of you're fraternity brothers and give him a beer (tbs: Smirnoff ice) and tell them they've been "Iced". I ask you why you asked me to do this when there's 4 other girls in our group. You're response "Because it will be funny if you do it". So I don't think much of it but as the night progressed I did think more of it. In my head I thought, "what is different between me and the other 4 girls?". They were all Asian, so was I. They all had shorts on, So did I. In my head I kept denying it because, YOU WERE MY FUCKING FRIEND. But when you talked with your brothers referring me as "the center biggie's gonna do it". Those words were like... I'm not even sure there's a word in the dictionary to describe the level of pain it brought me. 

Because of you and the other guy, guess who will have to deal with me being all fucked up? My soul mate. and you know what? I probably will never feel decent about myself thanks to you and your thoughtless words. I really do hope you change because I can't even image how other girls will feel like just because they're bigger. 

A cup of the smaller things in life

Life is really great right now :)

This first half of the year has been quite drastic and this change is quite drastic too!
I'm so happy. I'm genuinely happy. I'm working at a dream job as a preschool teacher!
I feel so unstoppable. I feel so tall. I feel so proud. I feel like I'm worth a bajillion!
The children are so inspiring! The small things they take into account is such a blessing! I love my life!
To see them grow mentally and physically and seeing this progression is so worth it!
Some day I will be able to have children of my own! I've definitely noticed that not till I'm ready I don't want children. It impacts the child in such a big way. The children look up to you as a role model figure!
How crazy is that? How humbling is that?
I love this feeling of waking up and not knowing what to expect! The spontaneous aspect of being around children :) such a joy, such a blessing.
I'm happy, friends.

A cup of nostalgic regret.

When I see a sappy love movie there's always that scene where the main character get their heart broken by their admired lover. Regardless of the repetition of the same old story line and the bound to be foreseen scene my heart just goes numb. I cannot breathe for those seconds of when the characters heart is being torn piece by piece. you can see on their faces of how much their hurting. Even the worst actor on earth can make my heart stop just for those few seconds because everyone has felt betrayal, hurt, agony, and pain in their lives. It feels like your heart just jumped up to your throat and just paralyzed all aspects of breathing and heart beating.  It's probably the most agonizing seconds in ones life to be reminded of the emotional pain that we've been trying so hard to forget. It only takes that one scene that can take us back to the memory lane none of us wanted to feel nor see again. Ever again.

a cup of fog.

"Every time the loneliness rears up in you like a seething, burning continent, you tie on your shoes and hit the paths" - Junot Diaz

Star.

One day I want to be seen as someone's special one and only star. 

I want to be seen as a person that shines in every way possible. 

I want to feel unique to that special someone and show my imperfections and we'll both be okay with it.

He will accept me and he will be my one and only star.

Someone I look up to, to always be there for me through the heavy fog and rain.

Till that day comes I'll continue to shine so some how and some way he'll find me.

A cup of "closed heart"

Hearts just paralyzed as we kissed eyes.
Slap! You were like an inevitable booby trap.
Back to reality and gravity hits like a ton of bricks.
Trying to quick fix and feelings are mixed.
As the butterflies takes you back to the past.
How you believed that love was your first and last.
Pain strikes and those memories takes a hike.
Walls go up and every emotion is considered fucked up.
You start to seal because you don't want to feel.
You are back to the start as an artificial heart.

A cup of "pretending"

Just like in Preschool...
"I have to pretend like I'm okay and even if I know I don't belong, I have to pretend to survive".

raise a glass to all insensitive men

YOU CAN NEVER TEACH A GUY TO LOVE YOU THE WAY YOU WANTED TO BE LOVED. YOU HAVE TO WAIT FOR HIM TO DO IT IN HIS OWN WAY, IN HIS OWN TIME, THAT’S THE SADDEST PART OF BEING A GIRL. BUT YOU CAN NEVER TEACH A GIRL TO LOVE THE GUY BACK THE WAY SHE DID BEFORE IF SHE ALREADY GREW TIRED AND WAITING TO BE APPRECIATED AND LOVED THE WAY SHE DESERVES TO BE LOVED, THAT’S THE SADDEST PART OF BEING AN INSENSITIVE MAN...

lets be real.

Guys who have their shit together is a turn on!! <3

a cup of commitment.

I find that as soon as i try to commit to something I tend to back out..
As you can see I told you that this week i was going to go abouts making every post about poems
but I back out because it seems so personal.. I don't know maybe I'm thinking way out of context.

please give me a few days just to think. I'll be back <3

A Cup of Broken Things.

There are broken things where her heart should be.
A side to her no one else can see.

Sometimes the girl who tries to keep everyone happy is the most lonely.
she tries to find her one and only
but yet she holds back and keeps her heart closely
trying to move on fearlessly
but loosely, non comprehensively, and submissively.. she fails.

Her plans of moving on derails
her thoughts go back to the details
and she can't seem to control her sails.

shes scared and unprepared.
Yet she's in deep desperation of repair.


The fear in showing her broken pieces
the size of her baggage increases.
As she tries to organize to restart
she tries to show her weak part.. I mean the heart is the most complex body part.
But she realizes it's time to be smart an start.
To leave behind the past and refine the bleeding heart.



hope you enjoyed my poem! lemme know what you thought about it <3

A cup of perspective of multiplication

Whatever you give a woman, she's going to multiply.

If you give her sperm, she'll give you a baby. 

If you give her a house, she'll give you a home.

If you give her groceries, she'll make a marvelous meal.

If you give her a smile, She'll give you her heart. 

She multiples and enlarges what is given to her.



So....
If you give her any crap, you'll receive a ton of SHIT.

A cup of I miss you, I miss us

I was a hopeless romantic, you were a swine.

I'm Losing Myself by Robin Pecknold

Not Over You by Gavin DeGraw

Bay of Pigs by Destroyer

Soulmate by Natasha Bedingfield

Enchanting Ghost by Sufjan Stevens

Make you feel my love by Adele

In Your Own Way by I Come To Shanghai

enjoy <3

A Bucket Full of Lists and Ideas For a Date

So I was thinking of making a bucket list since New Year resolutions never work but I ended up coming up with a "bucket list for dating"! Things and activities I would like to do when I do find my significant other! 

1. Wash our cars together.
2. Have a legit picnic.
3. Jam out! Write a song together! 
4. Cook or bake something we've never had before.
5. Explore our wonderful city of lights and act like tourists.
6. Go to a comedy or poetry club and participate.
7. Make banana pancakes on a rainy day and stay in bed watching black and white movies.
8. Dance in the rain.
9. Go camping and roast marshmallows and eat PB&J Sandies.
10. Feed the duckies and go on swings.
11. Go fruit picking.
12. Take a road trip for a day and see the sunrise and sunset.
13. Go to an amusement park and attempt at a kiss photo while riding the scariest ride.
14. Go to a thrift store and pick each other outfits and go on a photo shoot.
15. Buy sketch books and pencils and be create and explore.
16. Skinny Dip!
17. Go watch air planes take off and land.
18. Go to a drive in movie.
19. Water fight! Build a woman/man-made slip and slide!
20. Volunteer together.
    
    Enjoy <3

A Cup of All Pain is Temporary

Listen to me… 

Pain is temporary. It may last for a minuite or an hour or a day or even a year, but eventually it will subside. And something else will take its place. If i quit however it will last forever. Ya’ll spoiled some of ya’ll spoiled just bottom line. Your parents have done everything for you, you never had to do nothing for yourself your spoiled we gon’ keep it real tonight some of you are spoiled brats! Everytime you ever got in trouble somebody in your house got you out of it! Every time you done something your not supposed to you they say here your mothers a tyrant, you're right.

 She kicked me out. Your right, shes mean, but she developed a man. Because she put me out there and said your gon’ have to grow up and some of you never learned to grow up. So every time something get hard you quit, you call momma. I dare you to take a lil pain. I dare you… I dare you not to go home, somebody said if i don't go home i feel bad, go throw it!! You ain't gon’ die! At the end of pain is success! You not gonna die because you felt a lil pain! Oh I'm not eating like i eat at home.. that's why you about to go to the next level cause if you keep eating like you ate at home you gon’ keep being a boy or girl.. its time to become MAN/WOMAN. But I'm exactly where i wanted to be because i realise, i gotta commit my very being to this thing… i gotta breathe it i gotta eat it i gotta sleep it and until you get there, you will never be a successful in life. But once you get there i guarantee you.. the world is yours. So work hard and you can have whatever it is you wanted.

Check out Eric Thomas <3

A Cup of Wisdom

Wise Advice

1. Do not walk behind me, for I may not lead. Do not walk ahead of me, for I may not follow.
    Do not walk beside me either. Just pretty much leave me the hell alone.
2. The journey of a thousand miles begins with a broken fan belt and leaky tire.
3. It’s always darkest before dawn. So if you’re going to steal your neighbor’s
    newspaper, that’s the time to do it.
4. Don’t be irreplaceable. If you can’t be replaced, you can’t be promoted.
5. Always remember that you’re unique. Just like everyone else.
6. Never test the depth of the water with both feet.
7. If you think nobody cares if you’re alive, try missing a couple of car payments.
8. Before you criticize someone, you should walk a mile in their shoes.
   That way, when you criticize them, you’re a mile away and you have their shoes.
9. If at first you don’t succeed, skydiving is not for you.
10. Give a man a fish and he will eat for a day. Teach him how to fish,
     and he will sit in a boat and drink beer all day.
11. If you lend someone $20 and never see that person again,
     it was probably worth it.
12. If you tell the truth, you don’t have to remember anything.
13. Some days you’re the bug; some days you’re the windshield.
14. Everyone seems normal until you get to know them.
15. The quickest way to double your money is to fold it in
     half and put it back in your pocket.
16. A closed mouth gathers no foot.
17. Duct tape is like ‘The Force’. It has a light side and a dark side,
    and it holds the universe together.
18. There are two theories to arguing with women. Neither one works.
19. Generally speaking, you aren’t learning much when your lips are moving.
20. Experience is something you don’t get until just after you need it.
21. Never miss a good chance to shut up.
    
    
    
    Enjoy <3

A Cup of a Confuzzled Infused Single Tea

Why is it that life hits you with the most unexciting things when you want exciting things to happen and vise-versa?

What I want to establish right now is, why the hell am I single for this long? 

Its been about 4 years since I've actually had an actual boyfriend and, I'm ready! Seriously. No backing out. Do i sound crazy? don't get me wrong, I'm not love crazy... Hopefully. I miss falling in love. Being in that stage where you get butterflies in your stomach even when you hear the other's name. Having insomnia for the right reasons due to the excitement in love, not insomnia of wondering what the hell is wrong with me. Am i ugly? Am I too straight up? Is it because I sometimes have strong opinions about certain things?Am I always gonna be one of the dudes that will be never be considered a "lady"? I don't know. I'm just tired of being single now. I want to move on. I tell my guy friends to just move on as an advice, but i don't take it myself. I feel like a hypocrite but life isn't really giving me an opportunity. Or am I avoiding the opportunity? I think I would've noticed over the 4 years of being single. The more I think about why I'm single the more I start jumping to conclusion and start beating myself mentally by lowering my self esteem and that's the stupidest thing, to lower myself, but it's true... What am I doing wrong? What do the other girls have that I don't have? Are my standards too high? At this very moment I don't even think i have standards..No, I'm lying, but all I ask for in a guy is for him to spoil me with his love. That's all. is that too high of a standard?What am i doing wrong Internet? What am i doing wrong?

Maybe it's just the insomnia talking.

A Cup of Lovey Dovey Rhymes

Of all the friends I’ve ever met.
Your the one I won’t forget.
And if I die before you do,
I’ll go to heaven and wait for you.

Love is hard and will always be,but remember somebody loves you and that one is ME !

I feel something in my heart,
it’s like a little flame,
every time I see you,
this flame lights up,
this flame is special for you,because I LOVE YOU!




When the night comes, look at the sky.
If you see a falling star,
don’t wonder why, just make a wish.
Trust me, it will come true,
because I did it and I found you.

Words however special…
could never even start,
to tell you all the love
I have for you within my heart.

Theres a warmth in my heart.
It haunts me when you’re gone.
Mend me to your side and never let go.
The more I live The more I know,
what’s simple is true, “I love you”

Love under the stars…
they seem very far,
but you are so close the star I love the most.

Somewhere, some1 dreams of your smile & finds your presence in life so worthwhile.
So when your lonely, remember its true that some1, somewhere, is thinking of u.

The day that I’ll die,
when death replaces birth,
I’ll recognize angels’ faces,
because I live with one on earth.

My love, words however special …
could never even start,
to tell you all the love I have for you within my heart!!!

Loving you could take my life,but when I look into your eyes,I know you’re worth that sacrafice!

Don’t love 1,
don’t love 2,
but love the 1 who loves you.

I love three things: the sun,
the moon and you,
the sun for the day,
the moon for the night and you forever.

If a big fat man creeps into your bedroom one night and stuffs you into a bag,
Then do not worry ’cause I told Santa I wanted you for Christmas!

This post was cute 

and from me to you
hope you try and pursue
thank you <3

Cup of tea at a tea party or high tea; young enough to.. but.. old enough to..

"Believe that you can run farther or faster. Believe that you're young enough, old enough, strong enough, and so on to accomplish everything you want to do. Don't let worn-out beliefs stop you from moving beyond yourself."

John "the Penguin" Bingham

.Young enough to go to an epic concert,

Old enough to wear ear plugs because it fucking hurts your ears.

 Young enough to rock glitter nail polish, 

Old enough to pay someone to remove it.

Young enough to have a crush,

Old enough to buy him a drink.

Young enough to buy crap loads of candy whenever you feel like it,

Old enough to buy designer shoes whenever you feel like it.

Young enough to strut around in a tutu,

Old enough t wear nothing under it.

Young enough to sleep in a few extra minutes if you were up late,

Old enough to wake up a few minutes early just because of the desire of coffee.

Young enough to cry,

Old enough to get revenge.